This posting is likely to be a rambling work in progress for some time.
Where to start?.....well the overwhelming majority of my sexual activity with other men has come from contact in public washrooms (toilets to most non-North Americans). That's given me the opportunity to see a vast range of behaviors. It's also given me the opportunity to form a view on what works & what doesn't - and commenting on that is what I started this post to do.
An example of what doesn't work was brought home to me a couple of weeks ago in a washroom at one of the Underground stations in Vienna (I recollect that it was Stubentor). I had arranged for a few hours alone from my ladyfriend and, my listing of target sites from Squirt.org in hand, I headed straight to the Underground network. My first stop was a bust, but as soon as I walked up to the urinals at this particular station, I found exactly what I was looking for. And how often does that happen in your life?. Since there were only two of us there and I could see that I would get ample warning of anyone who entered, within less than a minute I was sucking him off. He came almost immediately. Although it was a little too brief, it did bring back memories of years in the toilets of Eastern Europe.
So the next day I returned to see what else might be available. It was busy, mostly with men displaying themselves to each other, but not much else happening. In fact, one of the men was walking around displaying his rather large erection individually to each of the other men - and getting no response. But that didn't deter him. He was a prime example of someone who doesn't see the protocol involved.
So what is the protocol? I suppose it varies by culture, but in most countries (& I've been to about 50), it's one of subtle understatement. While you may display yourself at the urinal you're standing at, you do it in a way that isn't overtly noticeable to anyone who isn't looking - and you only engage with someone who extends a visual invitation to you. My best lessons in this came from my years in Eastern Europe. Like most countries in which the men are uncircumcised, there is a lot of oral sex in the public toilets. But they're also homophobic societies - and since most people don't like to get beaten up, they learn how to behave accordingly.
To be continued.....